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arias_hollowIn my experience, my aromanticism is at least one factor that influences my attitudes towards being alone, in both positive and negative ways. (It's not the only factor of course, but it's one worth giving attention and the focus of this response)
I'll start with the negative ways, for the sake of ending things on a more positive note. The most obvious connection is a distinct feeling of alienation, or an inability to relate to others easily. So much of society heavily prioritizes romance, and even things not directly related often end up being wrapped up in the assumption that everyone will, at some point, settle down with a single romantic partner, and that everyone wants one whether they admit to it or not. Really, it's this total disbelief in the ability to want or prioritize different relationships that makes it most difficult, because there's nothing as frustrating as being labeled a liar/someone in denial when you're not, and it totally closes off any opportunity for meaningful discussion. I'm also someone who is very involved in fandom/media analysis, and I often find characters more relatable than people, and there's few places as drenched in romance and amatonormativity than most fandom spaces, which adds to the sense of aloneness. And again, more than anything, it's that those spaces often just aren't open to alternate interpretations or changing of canon in fics/head canons that they don't agree with.
Separate from purely social issues, there are also certain ways my aromanticism connects with economy to make me more aware of aloneness, though in this case it has more to do with the impracticality of being alone. It's nearly impossible now a days to move out for the first time on your own if your parents weren't wealthy, and often times roommates are temporary - they typically will eventually move in with a partner, leaving you to hunt down more temporary roommates. Which, isn't always easy! Especially if you don't actually want a ton of acquaintances/casual friends that you barely talk to after moving out. I would like a roommate possibly, but a long-term one, or else the ability to live sustainably on my own. (Or several long-term roommates, which runs into its own problems as well)
But now on to some more positive things! One thing that comes to mind is that I feel like my aromanticism has somewhat influenced a more...independent? View on spending time alone. Not to say that allo people never have healthy relationships with aloneness, or never want alone time, but it does seem more common for them to have this chronic need to be with a partner more broadly speaking. Of course, some of that may be related to the fact I'm starting to suspect I'm gray-platonic, since I'm not usually feeling much need to befriend others and can go decent periods of time without Needing to speak with them, and it's kind of nice to be able to just relax and go about my day mostly worrying over immediate/practical things. I'm happy pursuing my education and career and hobbies, and though I like to share that with people sometimes and wouldn't mind a few more confidants, I also feel pretty satisfied with just getting to experience new things and write stuff and all that.
I also think that my being aro is part of where my assumption of being alone as the 'default' comes from, as even as a kid I didn't see why other people/relationships had to be dragged into so many other things, or why certain social roles and functions were reserved for romantic partners when it seemed a lot easier to just have a friendly working relationship with a lot of people for whenever one of you needs help with something. I'm counting this as a positive mostly because thinking about being able to actually function that way still makes me happy, and I've never been discontent with this view point, just confused by its rarity.
Some good things I like to do when alone, whether it's to recharge/relax or out of loneliness, include watching shows that make me happy/keep me interested, listening to music, drawing, random research based on a whim, looking at cool aesthetic pictures, writing, and sometimes gaming (though certain games do feel more social).
To sum up, being aro has definitely affected my relationship with aloneness, and generally feels interconnected to a lot of other aspects of my life, so I'm happy for this opportunity to discuss it more. Aromantic experiences don't get a lot of recognition typically, so thanks to everyone who help organize this carnival!
I'll start with the negative ways, for the sake of ending things on a more positive note. The most obvious connection is a distinct feeling of alienation, or an inability to relate to others easily. So much of society heavily prioritizes romance, and even things not directly related often end up being wrapped up in the assumption that everyone will, at some point, settle down with a single romantic partner, and that everyone wants one whether they admit to it or not. Really, it's this total disbelief in the ability to want or prioritize different relationships that makes it most difficult, because there's nothing as frustrating as being labeled a liar/someone in denial when you're not, and it totally closes off any opportunity for meaningful discussion. I'm also someone who is very involved in fandom/media analysis, and I often find characters more relatable than people, and there's few places as drenched in romance and amatonormativity than most fandom spaces, which adds to the sense of aloneness. And again, more than anything, it's that those spaces often just aren't open to alternate interpretations or changing of canon in fics/head canons that they don't agree with.
Separate from purely social issues, there are also certain ways my aromanticism connects with economy to make me more aware of aloneness, though in this case it has more to do with the impracticality of being alone. It's nearly impossible now a days to move out for the first time on your own if your parents weren't wealthy, and often times roommates are temporary - they typically will eventually move in with a partner, leaving you to hunt down more temporary roommates. Which, isn't always easy! Especially if you don't actually want a ton of acquaintances/casual friends that you barely talk to after moving out. I would like a roommate possibly, but a long-term one, or else the ability to live sustainably on my own. (Or several long-term roommates, which runs into its own problems as well)
But now on to some more positive things! One thing that comes to mind is that I feel like my aromanticism has somewhat influenced a more...independent? View on spending time alone. Not to say that allo people never have healthy relationships with aloneness, or never want alone time, but it does seem more common for them to have this chronic need to be with a partner more broadly speaking. Of course, some of that may be related to the fact I'm starting to suspect I'm gray-platonic, since I'm not usually feeling much need to befriend others and can go decent periods of time without Needing to speak with them, and it's kind of nice to be able to just relax and go about my day mostly worrying over immediate/practical things. I'm happy pursuing my education and career and hobbies, and though I like to share that with people sometimes and wouldn't mind a few more confidants, I also feel pretty satisfied with just getting to experience new things and write stuff and all that.
I also think that my being aro is part of where my assumption of being alone as the 'default' comes from, as even as a kid I didn't see why other people/relationships had to be dragged into so many other things, or why certain social roles and functions were reserved for romantic partners when it seemed a lot easier to just have a friendly working relationship with a lot of people for whenever one of you needs help with something. I'm counting this as a positive mostly because thinking about being able to actually function that way still makes me happy, and I've never been discontent with this view point, just confused by its rarity.
Some good things I like to do when alone, whether it's to recharge/relax or out of loneliness, include watching shows that make me happy/keep me interested, listening to music, drawing, random research based on a whim, looking at cool aesthetic pictures, writing, and sometimes gaming (though certain games do feel more social).
To sum up, being aro has definitely affected my relationship with aloneness, and generally feels interconnected to a lot of other aspects of my life, so I'm happy for this opportunity to discuss it more. Aromantic experiences don't get a lot of recognition typically, so thanks to everyone who help organize this carnival!
